courage
Posted by Rebecca | Filed under family, writing
Courage is a funny thing.
It keeps you warm on those frigid treks across a barren plain while the wind snatches at your scratchy cloak and icy mud squeezes into your worn leather boot as it pulls apart at the seams.
It makes you turn your back to the narrow tunnel of briars that will lead you to your burrow, and instead face the bared fangs of the fox who has smelled your babies on the breeze.
It pushes you to keep trying in the face of certain defeat, and it bolsters your spirit when that rejection deals a staggering blow.
It encourages you to deny the negative people in your life, and instead surround yourself with acceptance and support.
It allows you to trust in others.
Courage is believing in yourself.
December 21, 2010 at 9:35 pm
It’s been a week of “firsts” …
Your second ‘graph reminded me of this last week’s adventure … backpacking up the steep hill to my place in a midnight ice storm. I was rather proud of myself … especially when I realized that, during those 45 intense minutes, I’d not missed a single heartbeat. It was definite confirmation of my much-improved health. Hallelujah!
Much less dramatic, but just as important to me …
I was able to do a crossword puzzle the other day — one that no one else at work had been able to figure out. This sounds like such a simple thing, I know, but the head injury affected my being able to do that sort of thing. Not sure why. That and creating poetry, haiku and songwriting – things that required timing and were once like breathing — have been beyond me, for the last ten years. So, the last few days I’ve tho’t that I should try my hand at a haiku again — see what happens. I doubt it’s an accident that it was *your* post that gave just the spark of inspiration and courage that I needed. Who better to share it with (such as it is) than ‘PubYe’s Haiku Queen?
Believing in self
Allows me to trust others.
Courage is funny.
Actually, you wrote it. I just rearranged it.
Thank you.
December 22, 2010 at 2:01 pm
Nanette, I am so humbled by your experience.
You are an amazing person, to have overcome what you went through and to maintain such a positive attitude. And a 45-minute hike uphill through an ice storm? You’ve got to be joking! Most people I know (myself included) would slide back down and call a cab or find a hotel room for the night.
And now I must confess, I love words but hate crossword puzzles. They give me the willies, and I hate myself when I continually fail at them. So I just don’t try anymore.
I’m so happy my post triggered something that has always been inside of you.
You rock!
December 22, 2010 at 11:34 pm
Actually, crosswords and I don’t usually get along, either. They require that I be on the same wavelength as the author, which can be quite capricious … and very frustrating. I prefer other kinds of wordplay. But I just glanced at this one and instantly knew the answers. That got my attention. Something was different. I was accessing info more freely than I had in years — a very cool feeling. Doing the haiku was me testing this “new” development. It turned into a gift when it confirmed that the “stuff” between my ears might just be returning to me — like a lost ship floating out of the dark, mossy bayous, still intact & (wonder of wonders), all hands still on deck, alive and well. Very cool. Hmmm … Does that mean there’s moss hanging from my synapses? I wouldn’t be surprised. (There’s a mental image — pun and all.) LOL.
If this turns out to be as profound a shift as I’m hoping it is, it will truly be an answer to prayer. The last month or so, I’d finally acknowledged and put it out there, to the powers that be, that if something didn’t change … and soon … it would not be possible for me to finish my WIP by end of 2011 (my deadline) — if ever. I was completely overwhelmed by it all. I’d tried everything I knew to do and some things that were … well … I was just winging it hoping that something would start to coalesce out of the murkiness. Some of it seemed to work. I have had moments of enlightenment … a few epiphanies, even. At least it kept me going. For the first time I truly questioned how I could keep going on … and if this was my life’s work, then what on earth was I here for? I didn’t voice the next obvious tho’t — backed off from it a bit, but left it hanging out there, just the same. It was truth as I was experiencing it and needed to be acknowledged and dealt with. If I could not … then the universe would have to — one way or another.
I expected an answer.
I think you helped that answer along.
Thanks for being available.
December 27, 2010 at 8:55 am
Nanette, you’ve been teaching me with your honesty and your life experience, and I cherish it. I’m so thankful that you decided to follow another path, as you have more to give than you can imagine.
So thank YOU.
And Merry Christmas!
December 28, 2010 at 7:15 pm
Rebecca — Just now saw this post … Thank you! … and a “Merry” to you, too!
Umm… I think I may’ve mis-communicated something in that last post. …
I *was* feeling quite intense … but *not* suicidal. Forgive me for giving that impression. What I was “putting out there” was a half-hearted threat to ask for “a transfer” — a sure sign of my total frustration. That may sound funny/weird now, but at the time I was seriously trying to make a point with my Guides. Looking back, now, it suspiciously resembles a temper tantrum.
My Guides have heard this one from me before. They just keep loving me, with all the patience of the Universe. When I finally settle my not-so-happy-butt down to listen, we work thru’ it — usually entailing a perspective & attitude adjustment, on my part. Occasionally, they use an incarnate to help me along with that. So …
Consider yourself “used” by the Divine.
… And Blessed be!
December 28, 2010 at 9:29 pm
I’m honored to be so “used!” and I’m looking for some guidance as well right now, maybe we can help each other out along this path.